
(Chris went jet-skiing. I'm old enough to get a tropical drink.)
You know, a homemade pina colada just doesn’t cut it. Rihanna, a newly minted 21-year-old wants to GO OUT. She wants somebody else to stir her cocktails. She wants to appear a strong, wild animal (see her spotted collar? I’m thinkin’ cheetah — rowr). She’s hoping Ponytail over here is leading her to the best pina colada in all of Los Angeles — she wants it served with an umbrella straw inside of a gutted pineapple. She is 21. She wants the most badass 21-year-old version of a pina colada EVER. And wha?! They’re even playing “Disturbia.” RiRi’s lucky night!
Oh, you like her shades? Me, too. What’re they shielding though? Because her Cover Girl eyes are the jam. We wanna see! We wanna see!
[Leaving Coco Deville nightclub in Los Angeles]
Photo: WENN
Wed 11 Mar 2009 3:34 pm
Featured in UH-OH | No Comments

(Wha? Wait! But officers!)
Ma’am, we’re going to have to take you in. And, no, we don’t give a fur-lined boot who the HELL you are, Serena Van Der Whatever. And wipe off that “surprised,” I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening-to-me-my-life-sucks open-mouthed look off your face. You brought 2003 back with you. You know what you’ve done. Betcha got a denim miniskirt under there, doncha?
[Filming Gossip Girl in NYC]
Photo: WENN
Wed 11 Mar 2009 3:17 pm
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Whoawhoawhoa, CHUCK BASS IS THE GOSSIP GIRL.
Hair goop. Pointy heels. Head-to-toe purple (I mean, we’re so dumb; Kristen Bell = poser). THE MOUTH-TO-MOUTH WHISPERING. Nate’s even got his eyes closed.
[Filming Gossip Girl in NYC]
Photos: Patricia Schlein/WENN; WENN
Wed 11 Mar 2009 3:00 pm
Featured in BACKSTAB | No Comments

(Made a pink croc her bitch, er, bag.)
OMFG, it’s Georgina. Wild (animal) bitch. Cheetah-print peep-toe Louboutins?! An oversized Pepto-pink bag filled with Dexter-type cutlery that you used to kill whatever pink croc that forever now cannot escape your wicked grasp? Vicious, Michelle Trachtenberg. So vicious.
[Filming Gossip Girl in NYC]
Photo: Patricia Schlein/WENN
Wed 11 Mar 2009 2:58 pm
Featured in AS IF | No Comments

(You want Joy. Lemme pull it out for you...)
Oh, Blair — the girl with the attitude as coarse as a Brillo pad. It would make sense that she would have a winter coat of the same texture — but in blue because she’s motherfreakin’ Blair Waldorf and she gets what she wants. In her evening purse lies a tall drink of Joy. Because that’s irony.
[Filming Gossip Girl in NYC]
Photo: Patricia Schlein/WENN
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